5 Popular Myths about Okenshields' World Famous Stir Fry and Why They are Wrong

In the past few months many have been quick to criticize the state of the delicious stir fry served at the great and holy Okenshields. I am here to share and debunk these misconceptions and myths.

Okenshields' World Famous Stir Fry

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Myth 1. Okenshields' Stir Fry Tastes Like Feces

The myth that the delicious stir fry at Okenshields dining hall tastes like human feces is simply unfounded. As all brothers know, Okenshields' stir fry is made with only the finest ingredients, including farm-fresh peppers and onions, and cooked by master chefs, creating what some describe as a "heavenly culinary experience".

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Myth 2. People have Defecated in the Okenshields' Stir Fry

Although humorous, this myth is simply unfounded. No records exist of any such patrons of the mighty Okenshields dining hall ever partaking in an act of sacrilege so vile as this. In fact, as is written in the sacred Okenshields texts, passed down from generations of Happy Daves, Okenshields' Stir Fry is one of the most well guarded food items in the entire establishment, due in part to its holy healing properties and importance to ancient Okenshields rituals.

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Myth 3. Okenshields' Stir Fry is Cooked with Human Excrement

This myth is likely the easiest to debunk, since the words of Happiest Dave himself disagree with the very principle behind this heretic myth. Not only is this myth a disgrace upon the good faith we as the Brothers of Okenshields share towards the wondrous Okenshields dining hall, but it is completely libelous and warrant of punishment for heresy upon all those who utter its foul words.

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Myth 4. Okenshields Followers are Hiding a Conspiracy Concerning the Poor Quality of Sustenance at Okenshields Dining Hall

This myth is also quite simply false, since the quality of sustenance at Okenshields Dining Hall is beyond all other such dining establishments in the Ithaca area, so how could there even be a conspiracy? I personally believe that this specific myth is targeted at the less faithful Okenshields patrons, those that don't praise Happiest Dave at every glimpse and consume Okenshields Stir Fry at every possible chance, in an attempt to draw them away from the great blinding light of Okenshields and into the depths of the unholy Ivy Room.

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Myth 5. Happy Dave Himself Defecates in the Okenshields Stir Fry

Although this myth is also completely untrue, even if it were true it would be a privilege to gather sustenance from the very body of Happiest Dave himself. Nevertheless, Happy Dave would never give such free reward to his patrons, as although malevolent, Happiest Dave can also be a cruel being, and so he must first verify the integrity of all incoming patrons before dispensing to them his great and wonderful mint candies.